THE CENSUS MAN
Charlton County Herald
May 12, 1910
Are you ready for the census man, have you read Greer’s Almanac?
Do you suffer with the toothache, do you have pains in your back?
How many children have you, do they all stay at home?
Do you have a father, mother, if so, where were they born?
Do you pay up prompt your debtors, have you figured up your cash?
Did you ever find a spider in a plate of beef hash?
Don’t you think there’s a microbe in some cavity of your lung?
Were you raised in this country, were you born very young?
When you was a tiny infant, did you kick or squirm?
Did any of your ancestors ever die of hookworm?
Also, give me your house number, and the spelling of your name,
Do you wear a porous plaster, do you walk a little lame?
Have you any corns or bunions, do you get drunk and swear?
Did you vote for Brown or Hoke, what’s the size of shoes you wear?
Have you ever seen the comet, what’s the length of its tail?
Are any of your children cross-eyed, have you ever been in jail?
How long have you been married, did you marry all your wives?
Are you friendly with your neighbors, have the kids had sore-eyes?
Were you ever known to work, are you blind, deaf or dumb?
You just as well look pleasant, for facts will have to come.
Above and lots of other questions you will surely have to tell,
What you think of old Annanias, is he now in heaven or hell?
Better count up pigs and chickens, figure up debts and sins,
You’ll have to tell them all when the census man comes in!